Updatessssssss

I can't believe it's been 10 days since I last posted... lots has happened since then!

I have found a job, and by found, I really mean that I have taken advantage of my dad's connections in the city. I am the new receptionist for the Canadian Native Friendship Centre, and so far I am really enjoying being here. I am meeting lots of well known, extensively educated leaders in the Aboriginal community, and getting a chance to get involved. Everyone here seems to enjoy my company and appreciates the work that is being done here. I mean, it's not back breaking work by any means. I'm working right now as I sit here typing up a blog...

Last Saturday I went to a native prayer sweat lodge. It was one of the most intense spiritual and physical experiences. Physically, it feels like a sauna that has been cranked to unimagineable temperatures in complete darkness. It represents what it must've felt like to be in your mother's womb. It is supposed to be the safest place where nothing can hurt you, and as far as I know, no one has ever been hurt while in a sweat.

It lasted about 4 hours altogether, taking time between the rounds of heat to eat something and listen to the Elders deliver like a semi-sermon. During a round, there are native songs and chants being sung in the Cree language - which I am taking classes to learn, but can only catch every 15th word or so - and intense moments of prayer. A sweat is a challenge for your body (to see how long you can last in the heat) and a challenge for your mind to stay focused. There is such a sense of community when your in the sweat lodge, each person sharing some of the most vulnerable parts of themselves. Much of a prayer sweat is to cleanse and purify your body and spirit through prayer.

When the sweat was over and you leave the lodge it really does feel like a rebirth in many ways. Because of the heat and steam and sweat (not to mention the way you're crouched down sitting in the same position for so long) your breathing is different. Your lungs are functioning in a way that feels like you're breathing for the first time. You can feel the spiritual cleansing in a way that makes you see your surroudings in a different light.

And, like any enjoyable get together is ended, it's finished off by a community potluck. I highly recommend being open to this experience.

My dad and I are getting along really well, and taking advantage of every minute we have together. I am getting to know him and learning to love him better with each visit. I mentioned earlier that I am taking Cree language classes. My father teaches these classes and as he's teaching he reveals pieces of his past and childhood that allows me to get closer to him. Not to mention learning what it is to grow in a Metis community, learning what it means to be Aboriginal. The more I learn, the more proud I am to be Metis.

As far as the rest of my family goes... well, every other day there is some kind of situation or incident. Please... pray for the lost. My heart is breaking for every drug addict and alcoholic and abusive spouse in my family.

I'm still living at my Auntie Ida's for now, but the longer I am there the more I realize I want to move from there. I want to live with other believers here. My heart is for community living as the early Church did.

I've been praying that God would lead me to whichever school He wills me to be at. This weekend I am going to check out the PAOC Bible College here called Vanguard. I am very interested in the missions programs they offer, not to mention, my Master's credits are transferrable. I am excited to meet students there and go to the classes and talk to the profs... it should be a great experience. That starts tonight and runs until Saturday morning.

AND... I met some of my friend Dana's friends this week. I'm loving meeting other Christians here and getting to know other people in general. Not to mention, Dana is awesome - we can talk like we've been friends for years and I have so much fun with her! (Thanks Beth) <3

And... that's it for the updates... I think. I'll post to talk about my weekend at Vanguard.

Oh - and I love Bethany Nichols and think she should come visit me and Dana in Edmonton.

That's all.

You are my Hope

I am slowly but surely growing restless. I feel stranded in this house much of the time, the result of not having a job yet, and not really having anywhere to go. Not to mention the weight I am gaining here...!

The job search (and by search I mean the waiting on my father and his "connections" in the city) is starting to look promising. There have been two job opportunities to come my way in the last couple days. The first is a receptionist gig at the Native Friendship Centre, which I would love. I am so down for being more and more involved in the Aboriginal community here, and learning what I can about my heritage. The second is working as a bank teller, which would be a great asset on my resume. I basically am open to anything that comes, but either one of these in particular would be a smart choice. 

I found this 3 bedroom house being rented out by a missionary family who are currently residing in Oregon. It's a great deal and includes all utilities. Plus, if I get the job at the Friendship Centre it's only about a mile from there. I would love to begin to live in community with other believers again, and this house seems like the perfect opportunity. The problem is that I don't really know any here yet. And... it would mean moving out of my aunt's house... which would be great, to have my own place I mean, but I do want to submerge myself into the middle of the darkness here. 

AND... what if this house is just a scam? I did, after all, find it on Kijiji. 

I guess I'll just have to see where God directs me in this. I am so hungry for more of His presence in my life. I need to create my own sanctuary here, early in the morning, to go before the thrown of my King and worship. I want to be filled that I may pour out into others. 

I am hungry. 

Today I was with my cousin Jason, who I live with, at his brother's house. Jason and I were watching MTV's The City and we began talking about the things that we value, the things in which we have put our hope. Jesus was just right there in the middle of the conversation. I told him that I really don't put much value in material possessions, that God has transformed my heart and my life so radically that I don't feel like I need new clothes and a killer image to be someone. He didn't respond vocally but I know that he was processing what had been said and really taking it in. God gives me so many openings to share His love with my family, and I am so so so excited about that!

He is faithful.

"Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord."

-Luke 1:45 (NKJV)

end of the day thoughts.

what is the difference between loving unconditionally, and enabling destructive behaviour to continue?

how do you respectfully disagree with someone while introducing a new way of thinking and living?

how do you help someone who is refusing to see the problem?

2 Corinthians 5:17

So I moved and I am living in Edmonton now. So far so good. 

The trip out here was long... I was so exhausted by the time I got in, mostly because I cannot sleep on planes - my knees end up touching the person next to me, it's too cold, then it's too hot, I'm hungry with no money... it's just not a good experience for me. I think I finally got to bed around 5am.

I know that God wants me here. It is so obvious in the opportunities He is presenting to me to live out the  Gospel of Christ, to be a light among darkness. Because I am certain of the divine appointment for me to be here, I am trusting in my Father to provide me with a job. I thought that I would be set up as far as employment and schooling out here, but, to make a long story short, the connections and bridges I had with that school and that office have been burned. I'm wondering if that was just a plan of my own flesh and understanding all along. 

So, now I'm looking for a job. And looking at other plans for education. Perhaps finishing my BTh.?

I'm living with my Auntie Ida and my cousin Jason, but spending lots and lots of time with my dad and his partner, and other cousins, aunties and uncles as much as I can. I am absolutely loving getting to know my family here. Having the opportunity to have these people in my life is such a blessing that I am so thankful for. I know that I need to be on my knees in prayer for them more often than I am. One thing that is true of my family is there is so much heartbreak here... so much that I wish I could take upon myself. What I didn't expect was to love these people who have recently become so involved in my life as much as I do - I didn't expect to feel this connected.

God has also blessed me with new friends, people who are passionately in love with Jesus (thanks Beth!). As much as I want to be a vessel of God's love in the darkness here, I know that if I am going to be successful in pouring into lives, I need to be putting in to myself, replenishing my heart. Living in community with believers is so important for me. I am so excited to get involved in a new church here, to get plugged in to a community here. Ministry, especially inner city ministry, is where my heart is. For me, to be fed spiritually means to be pouring into lives.

I feel so alive. I don't know if that's just the high of being in a new place, or the feel of real change, or the excitement and refreshment of knowing this is a new beginning. The Lord is truly transforming me. Please pray for this transformation to deepen and to continue. 

And please keep my family in your prayers. I want them to know Jesus... I want them to also be changed, to be made new in the blood of the Lamb. 

missing her

my love

Flight Paths

Today I am leaving behind everything I know, everything that I'm comfortable with. Today I am moving my life 2000 miles out west.

And so, I'm packing. I don't have much. It makes me smile to know that all that I have and own can fit into a couple suitcases. I hate to think that I have to leave some things behind, some pieces to the past that have made me into me. Although, after remembering much of what led to me becoming me, perhaps a good shove forward is what I needed to seal the healing in my heart.
After all, I am a new creation. I am not the same I was.

But then, a part of me is screaming not to go, is questioning why I'm embracing the change, why I need to go. Will it be worth it? Am I strong enough?

No.

But, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. I will not give in to my flesh... my flesh that has become so weak under the pressures of trying to fit in.

Thank God for my willing spirit. Thank God for His Spirit breathing true life into me. Thank God.

this is it, this is it

So, here is my first post. Ever.

I am a wonderful person. Today I volunteered to hang out alone at my uncle's empty house while I waited for an unwanted appliance to be picked up. Can anyone say, "favourite niece"? I brought a laptop, my newest issue of Relevant magazine, and my iPod. I had planned on thieving a wireless signal from the unsuspecting neighbours. It turns out, they weren't the tech savvy people I was hoping for. Not a wireless account to be found. I thumbed quickly through my magazine, nothing catching my attention. I knew then that it would be a very very long afternoon.

Though I was frustrated with my failed attempts, it actually worked in my favour. God showed up.

It has been... well, probably, if I'm being honest, a good 3 months since I have decided to actually listen to the still small voice, the voice of my Father. I wasn't expecting to be met with such freedom, such grace, such amazing Love.

I was reminded of my identity in Christ, reminded that I am a new creation, freed from sin, with a promise of victory. I am not a disappointment. I am more than sex, drugs and rock 'n roll.

I am His Beloved.

This wasn't a day of fresh revelation from above. I was not surprised at what God was telling me, the truth that He was speaking of my life. But I need to be reminded. I have made so many choices that fuel my self-condemnation; I have heard enough lies that it gets hard to deny them.

Today I was reminded of who I really am. A daughter of the King.