Sometimes I feel like I am not enough. Some days I am consumed by my failures.
I know that these are thoughts from my enemy, who has come to steal, kill and destroy me.
I am not who I was yesterday. I am in the process of being transformed, I am a new creation by the blood of Christ. I cannot change what has happened in the past, I cannot erase my mistakes, I can only look ahead, move forward and be changed.
But I still miss her. And I can't believe I hurt her this badly. That moment was never worth this.
_______________________________
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Chased by God
God is pursuing me. He rejoices over me.
Our Father is looking for me.
How freeing thoughts like these are, when we realize that this is not a one way upward relationship. As much as I am chasing God, looking for Him in every moment, trying to see the world through His eyes, He is chasing me more. God's heart is in this - He has placed His heart in front of me, displaying the intimacies of Himself; He is risking that I might turn away, that I might still reject Him even after He has given freely of Himself.
And there are days and moments that I choose to turn away.
I think about all the nights that I asked God to forgive me in advance for the sinfulness I knew I would choose as I was walking into a bar. I think about all the times and all the ways I've tried to justify giving pieces of my heart and my body to guys because my flesh is weak (Matt. 26:41). I think about every lie, every attempt to intentionally hurt my brothers and sisters in Christ, every self-inflicted wound... and then I think about my God. I think about how I have broken His heart, time and time again. I think about the sin I will engage in today and all the ways I will walk in disobedience in the future.
Even after all of this, God continues to give of Himself, He continues to pursue me, He continues to forgive and forget. How many times have I been rejected, hurt, wounded by someone I loved, and then chosen to turn away from them?
Countless.
Some people believe that our God is distant, that He is the author and creator - both of which are true - but that His involvement in our world ends there. He is both the author of this story and the lead actor in this theatrical production. When we get caught up in His role as Creator it's easy to question how He can relate or comprehend what is happening in our personal narratives.
Jesus knows. Our God knows. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Heb. 4:15-16)
He is near to us, in this world, close in proximity. He gets rejection, He understands broken hearts, He has been hurt... I know this because I know that I have been the reason for so many of his wounds. I crucified Jesus.
And still, He rejoices over me (Is. 62:5). He pursues me like I am a prize to be won over, like a bridegroom pursues His bride.
Grace and forgiveness should not be taken lightly. A Love that is pure and whole and unconditional and neverending should not be unaccepted. It is because of this Love that I now choose to live in obedience and repentance.
I am in awe of my God.
Our Father is looking for me.
How freeing thoughts like these are, when we realize that this is not a one way upward relationship. As much as I am chasing God, looking for Him in every moment, trying to see the world through His eyes, He is chasing me more. God's heart is in this - He has placed His heart in front of me, displaying the intimacies of Himself; He is risking that I might turn away, that I might still reject Him even after He has given freely of Himself.
And there are days and moments that I choose to turn away.
I think about all the nights that I asked God to forgive me in advance for the sinfulness I knew I would choose as I was walking into a bar. I think about all the times and all the ways I've tried to justify giving pieces of my heart and my body to guys because my flesh is weak (Matt. 26:41). I think about every lie, every attempt to intentionally hurt my brothers and sisters in Christ, every self-inflicted wound... and then I think about my God. I think about how I have broken His heart, time and time again. I think about the sin I will engage in today and all the ways I will walk in disobedience in the future.
Even after all of this, God continues to give of Himself, He continues to pursue me, He continues to forgive and forget. How many times have I been rejected, hurt, wounded by someone I loved, and then chosen to turn away from them?
Countless.
Some people believe that our God is distant, that He is the author and creator - both of which are true - but that His involvement in our world ends there. He is both the author of this story and the lead actor in this theatrical production. When we get caught up in His role as Creator it's easy to question how He can relate or comprehend what is happening in our personal narratives.
Jesus knows. Our God knows. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Heb. 4:15-16)
He is near to us, in this world, close in proximity. He gets rejection, He understands broken hearts, He has been hurt... I know this because I know that I have been the reason for so many of his wounds. I crucified Jesus.
And still, He rejoices over me (Is. 62:5). He pursues me like I am a prize to be won over, like a bridegroom pursues His bride.
Grace and forgiveness should not be taken lightly. A Love that is pure and whole and unconditional and neverending should not be unaccepted. It is because of this Love that I now choose to live in obedience and repentance.
I am in awe of my God.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)