you're just what I wanted

I don't remember meeting him, but I do remember the first time I saw him, and the first time I said anything to him... Though he would disagree on the latter account being the "first time."

We met in the fall, our first semester at this new school. I thought he was much older than he was, definitely older than me. He sat in the front row of the only class I had with him, but didn't say much, just listened. Almost every girl in attendance was trying to catch his eye, including a few of my close friends.

I didn't like him. Not only did I have no interest in any type of romance with him, I had no interest in any kind of friendship with him. We had so many mutual friends, but somehow I avoided contact and interaction for weeks. The first thing I remember speaking to him I told him I liked his snowboarding jacket. I've spent countless nights watching movies in a dark and crowded room in his apartment, and heard countless conversations between girls who were all certain that he was the one for them.

I remember inviting him to my church. I remember night after night of late night driving, singing every word to our favourite Jimmy Eat World albums, eating at Denny's at 3AM. I remember the first night we held hands, our first kiss, and our first break-up. I remember walks across the High Level bridge, smoking clove cigarettes, talking to and about God. I remember the first time I knew I loved him, and then fighting it for consecutive months that followed. I remember knowing that I wanted to marry him, and the disagreements, hurtful words, and break-ups that clouded that truth.

We've lived through lots together, almost two years of intimate friendship coloured with off again-on again dating. He knows me - my flaws, my strengths, my insecurities, and my confidence (which can sometimes be misconstrued with arrogance). He celebrates me - not what I can do, not what I have done, not what I can one day be, but the woman that I am. Right now. Today.

I love him more every day.

Last night, on bent knees, he invited me into his every day until there are no more.

I remember my heart pounding, my palms sweating, and my hands shaking. I remember the tears in his eyes, and the fading out of the background noise until it was only us as he slipped a ring on my left hand.

And I love him more today.

The New Year

It would be an understatement to say that 2012 began with a running start. I feel like I blinked and all of a sudden there are monumental changes taking place before my eyes, with more to come in the coming months. All of a sudden it's like life is really beginning...

About a week ago Brandon and I sat down to try to figure out what this next season is going to look like for us, for our relationship. The main topic of discussion was, of course, marriage, something we are both ready to tackle, and something that we both want with one another. He is the love of my life; there is no one else I would even think to consider building a life with. Stay tuned throughout 2012 to hear more on this - this is the year!

We are also on the hunt for a new church family here in Edmonton, as this new season has taken us away from our previous home church.

I had also been in conversation with a couple of the directors at The Mustard Seed to discuss the possibility of full-time employment. You see, I decided a few weeks ago that I wouldn't be taking any classes this semester - I just couldn't swing it financially, not to mention the onslaught of burnout that was already in full swing. Now that I had 40 hours a week to give, I was in search of a position at TMS that would allow me to work those 40 hours, to make more money, to pay off my debt quicker, and to give me the financial freedom to finish the last 5 courses of my degree. And then the impossible happened. I was called into a meeting with the new Edmonton Public Education team, along with the newest of all the TMS directors, the Director of Public Education, and was offered a position on this new team! Out of a surprise job interview came a letter of offer for a full-time position doing Community Engagement! I spent the rest of the day praising God in gratitude and thankfulness for what He did in that board room.

And so, in welcoming 2012 I have welcomed the reality of a new marriage on the horizon, with which come new family and new challenges; I have welcomed a brand new and more challenging position within an organization I already love, working with some of my closest friends, doing work I am already taking part in. I have also said goodbye to my position and role within the Vanguard community; I have said goodbye to the LTTX church family community; I have said goodbye to my former position at The Mustard Seed; I have said goodbye to the possibility of going back to Southeast Asia to spend 4 weeks with some of my Thai, Chinese, and missionary friends.

But, know that in all of this, there is excitement for what God has in store. I look ahead at the next 12 months with anticipation, a fluttering heart, and a willingness to walk through whatever is to come.