Today is day 56 of 112 of my internship.
I will only be living in Thailand for another 37 days, 2 weeks of which will be spent travelling in the south (Takua Pa) and Bangkok, followed by another 2 weeks of short term teams.
And then I'm done here.
The thought of leaving this place is like the long awaited arrival of grief. Oddly enough it is also an exhilaration to be found in the face of a new adventure just around the corner.
And then I will be home. The list of feelings, reactions and emotions that come with this reality is much too extensive to post. I'm sure you can imagine it.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
เท่ากับ
Confession #1: I've stopped taking pictures to post here. I've sacrificed what was left of my tourist perspective, and with this I have let the desire to show off (or exploit) my experiences, and the lives of the people I love here. And, in all honesty, though I love and fully appreciate the art of photography, I am not usually one to be found behind the camera.
Though I wish you could be here with me to soak up every detail of landscape, to memorize every laugh line in the faces I meet, to inhale the smells as I walk through the street markets, you will have to simply use your imagination until I return to fill in the colours you cannot know from your side of the planet.
Confession #2: There is something that I've been wanting to post about for the last couple weeks, something I saw for only a brief few seconds in passing, but something that will stay with me. Because of the quality of internet and my schedule that has not been generous in terms of flexibility as of late, I've not been able to write this. So I will now.
A couple weeks ago I was en route to the day market with two of the Imagine Thailand staff, Li-Mei and Day Mu, both of whom have become some of my closest friends. Li-Mei is an amazing Thai woman, the project manager and co-founder of IT. She is someone I admire in ways that ignite a desire in me to be like her. I have enjoyed so many conversations with her that I will not soon forget. Day Mu (whom I have written about in previous posts) is a beautiful Karen girl, 21 years old. The depths of her heart and soul are hidden and guarded from the world of outsiders much of the time, but when you breakthrough to her truest character, you'll find she is much more than what she lets on.
Anyway, we were walking through the day market in downtown Mae Sot with the intention of selling the IT coinage for bills. The majority of the vendors in this market are Karen or Burmese. In fact, the majority of the people I meet and see in this city are Karen or Burmese. To live in Mae Sot is not to live in Thailand. To live in Mae Sot is to live in Burma (something that is obvious to both the farang and the Thai nationals). However true this statement may be, many of the Karen/Burmese refugees living outside of the refugee camps set for them are living in this country illegally. Though Thailand has become home to many displaced people from Burma, the place of their nationality will be the only place they will know as a true home - and most will only know it from a distance.
On this day, I watched as a Thai police officer led a Burmese man to what could have very likely been his arrest and escort back to his homeland.
I'm not sure what else to write about this image that has replayed itself in my mind. I'm not sure how to fully communicate the gravity of this situation, or the possibilities of what an arrest could mean for a Burmese person living in Thailand. I'm not sure how to speak of the power imbalances that are so obvious in this place. I don't know how to share about the racism and inequality between these neighbouring nations, two countries that have made deep imprints on my character and soul.
All I can say is that your imagination will have to fill in the blanks with either realistic or unrealistic endings, or simply digest the words I write and try to find some meaning in the empty pockets between them. I will invite you to do the latter, unless you have been cursed with a weak stomach.
What to pray for...
Freedom in Burma.
Equality in Thailand.
Though I wish you could be here with me to soak up every detail of landscape, to memorize every laugh line in the faces I meet, to inhale the smells as I walk through the street markets, you will have to simply use your imagination until I return to fill in the colours you cannot know from your side of the planet.
Confession #2: There is something that I've been wanting to post about for the last couple weeks, something I saw for only a brief few seconds in passing, but something that will stay with me. Because of the quality of internet and my schedule that has not been generous in terms of flexibility as of late, I've not been able to write this. So I will now.
A couple weeks ago I was en route to the day market with two of the Imagine Thailand staff, Li-Mei and Day Mu, both of whom have become some of my closest friends. Li-Mei is an amazing Thai woman, the project manager and co-founder of IT. She is someone I admire in ways that ignite a desire in me to be like her. I have enjoyed so many conversations with her that I will not soon forget. Day Mu (whom I have written about in previous posts) is a beautiful Karen girl, 21 years old. The depths of her heart and soul are hidden and guarded from the world of outsiders much of the time, but when you breakthrough to her truest character, you'll find she is much more than what she lets on.
Anyway, we were walking through the day market in downtown Mae Sot with the intention of selling the IT coinage for bills. The majority of the vendors in this market are Karen or Burmese. In fact, the majority of the people I meet and see in this city are Karen or Burmese. To live in Mae Sot is not to live in Thailand. To live in Mae Sot is to live in Burma (something that is obvious to both the farang and the Thai nationals). However true this statement may be, many of the Karen/Burmese refugees living outside of the refugee camps set for them are living in this country illegally. Though Thailand has become home to many displaced people from Burma, the place of their nationality will be the only place they will know as a true home - and most will only know it from a distance.
On this day, I watched as a Thai police officer led a Burmese man to what could have very likely been his arrest and escort back to his homeland.
I'm not sure what else to write about this image that has replayed itself in my mind. I'm not sure how to fully communicate the gravity of this situation, or the possibilities of what an arrest could mean for a Burmese person living in Thailand. I'm not sure how to speak of the power imbalances that are so obvious in this place. I don't know how to share about the racism and inequality between these neighbouring nations, two countries that have made deep imprints on my character and soul.
All I can say is that your imagination will have to fill in the blanks with either realistic or unrealistic endings, or simply digest the words I write and try to find some meaning in the empty pockets between them. I will invite you to do the latter, unless you have been cursed with a weak stomach.
What to pray for...
Freedom in Burma.
Equality in Thailand.
Monday, February 21, 2011
I pawned my ordinary life and bought adventure...
It seems that I am getting progressively worse at keeping this up to date. I don't feel the slightest bit of guilt or remorse in this, simply for the reasoning that lies behind this fact: I am living my life.
This past week has been the best of the last 7 weeks that I've been in Thailand. This last week I had no doubts about my belonging on the Imagine Thailand team. This last week I felt so strongly about my roles in Mae Sot, what it means for me to be living in this place, and the communities that I am now a part of for the length of my commitment here, and probably beyond what even my comprehension is at this point. All of these things have been an answer to prayer, my own, as well as the prayers of the support system I have at home - you. Thank you.
On Saturday we went back to the cave we discovered (and by discovered I mean it's a high traffic touristy kind of place) but this time we brought a few friends from various NGOs in Mae Sot. The hike was a huge success. We went to the very end of the cave, which wasn't nearly as big or as far as we were made to believe on our last visit, and in the last room of the cave there is a small body of water - I'm not sure if you could call it a lake, or a pond, but it was more than just a puddle. Whatever it was, we took a bit of a dip, some going further into the mud-floored waters than others. It was great, just as great as I had tried to explain after our first visit.
I know the question that is plaguing your minds as you read this is, "Well, Kat, what did you do today?" Well, friends, today I climbed to the top of two waterfalls, two different locations, both as gorgeous as you could imagine a waterfall in Thailand is. Instead of killing ourselves working today, everyone took a day off, a day to rest, a day to sleep in, a day to recharge. We all agreed that climbing waterfalls and swimming at the reservoir was the best way to spend this day. If you've never climbed a waterfall, sat down and let the water rush around you while allowing yourself to be lost in the view from the top of the world, you must immediately do so at your next convenience.
I love this life of adventure, and all the unknowns that are brought along with it. I love that climbing mountains, hiking into caves, swimming in waterfalls, loving God, and loving people are all connected; all small parts of the bigger picture of my life in Mae Sot.
_____________________________________________________________________
I don't know how we live with such safety and caution in Canada.
I am currently reading through The Chronicles of Narnia, and I am about halfway through The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. An idea that C.S. Lewis has made me aware of in the last few years is written in this book with regards to Aslan, the Lion King of the land of Narnia, who is without a shadow of a doubt a reflection or parallel to God the Father, King over all. He writes that Aslan is, "not safe. But he is good."
God is not safe. But He is good.
Safety is an idol among North Americans, and a cage that is not very kind. Why do we lock ourselves in for the sake of protecting a life that is slowly expiring anyway? God carries my life in His hands, and He will take it however He wants when He pleases. This is not a license to live foolishly, but I will live with reckless abandon, taking in all the experiences I can. And why shouldn't I?
Do something adventurous today. I dare you.
This past week has been the best of the last 7 weeks that I've been in Thailand. This last week I had no doubts about my belonging on the Imagine Thailand team. This last week I felt so strongly about my roles in Mae Sot, what it means for me to be living in this place, and the communities that I am now a part of for the length of my commitment here, and probably beyond what even my comprehension is at this point. All of these things have been an answer to prayer, my own, as well as the prayers of the support system I have at home - you. Thank you.
On Saturday we went back to the cave we discovered (and by discovered I mean it's a high traffic touristy kind of place) but this time we brought a few friends from various NGOs in Mae Sot. The hike was a huge success. We went to the very end of the cave, which wasn't nearly as big or as far as we were made to believe on our last visit, and in the last room of the cave there is a small body of water - I'm not sure if you could call it a lake, or a pond, but it was more than just a puddle. Whatever it was, we took a bit of a dip, some going further into the mud-floored waters than others. It was great, just as great as I had tried to explain after our first visit.
I know the question that is plaguing your minds as you read this is, "Well, Kat, what did you do today?" Well, friends, today I climbed to the top of two waterfalls, two different locations, both as gorgeous as you could imagine a waterfall in Thailand is. Instead of killing ourselves working today, everyone took a day off, a day to rest, a day to sleep in, a day to recharge. We all agreed that climbing waterfalls and swimming at the reservoir was the best way to spend this day. If you've never climbed a waterfall, sat down and let the water rush around you while allowing yourself to be lost in the view from the top of the world, you must immediately do so at your next convenience.
I love this life of adventure, and all the unknowns that are brought along with it. I love that climbing mountains, hiking into caves, swimming in waterfalls, loving God, and loving people are all connected; all small parts of the bigger picture of my life in Mae Sot.
_____________________________________________________________________
I don't know how we live with such safety and caution in Canada.
I am currently reading through The Chronicles of Narnia, and I am about halfway through The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. An idea that C.S. Lewis has made me aware of in the last few years is written in this book with regards to Aslan, the Lion King of the land of Narnia, who is without a shadow of a doubt a reflection or parallel to God the Father, King over all. He writes that Aslan is, "not safe. But he is good."
God is not safe. But He is good.
Safety is an idol among North Americans, and a cage that is not very kind. Why do we lock ourselves in for the sake of protecting a life that is slowly expiring anyway? God carries my life in His hands, and He will take it however He wants when He pleases. This is not a license to live foolishly, but I will live with reckless abandon, taking in all the experiences I can. And why shouldn't I?
Do something adventurous today. I dare you.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
O God, make my heart clean...
Tonight I realized that I spend way too much time talking/complaining about things I do/don't want to do. I may not say these things out loud, but they're in my head and in my heart, the part of me that is supposed to be the wellspring of life, not an open grave.
This is not about me.
My life is no longer mine.
Thank God for correction, for discipline, that I can choose wisdom over selfishness and rebelliousness.
This is not about me.
My life is no longer mine.
Thank God for correction, for discipline, that I can choose wisdom over selfishness and rebelliousness.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Batcave... Seriously.
Today I had an experience that I just absolutely must share.
Friday morning started with six people from our team driving half an hour out of Mae Sot into the mountains that so beautifully grace the terrain of Thailand. It was fairly cool on the drive out, especially since I was riding in the back of the truck at 120km/h, but the whole way I couldn't help but pray, couldn't help but worship. It reminded me of roadtrips through Southwestern Ontario as a kid, watching farmers sort the irrigation systems in the giant corn fields passing by on the highway. It also reminded me of driving up to the foothills of the Himalayas in India. Two images that are literally oceans apart, both carrying significance in my mind.
We pulled up to a row of mountains, a parking lot, a few restaurants, and a handful of small hot springs areas where people were boiling eggs (something you will never see in Banff or Jasper) at the base. When our guide finally arrived we followed him on a kilometer hike upwards until we reached the opening of a cave that was deeper and longer than the height of the mountain that contained it.
We climbed down into the mountain for what seemed like nearly an eternity, the temperature recognizably hotter with every 5 feet we descended, the lighting dimishing with every step. We had a couple flashlights with us, and there were a few small lights hung over the ladders taking us deeper, but still my eyes strained to see where my feet were going.
Friday morning started with six people from our team driving half an hour out of Mae Sot into the mountains that so beautifully grace the terrain of Thailand. It was fairly cool on the drive out, especially since I was riding in the back of the truck at 120km/h, but the whole way I couldn't help but pray, couldn't help but worship. It reminded me of roadtrips through Southwestern Ontario as a kid, watching farmers sort the irrigation systems in the giant corn fields passing by on the highway. It also reminded me of driving up to the foothills of the Himalayas in India. Two images that are literally oceans apart, both carrying significance in my mind.
We pulled up to a row of mountains, a parking lot, a few restaurants, and a handful of small hot springs areas where people were boiling eggs (something you will never see in Banff or Jasper) at the base. When our guide finally arrived we followed him on a kilometer hike upwards until we reached the opening of a cave that was deeper and longer than the height of the mountain that contained it.
We climbed down into the mountain for what seemed like nearly an eternity, the temperature recognizably hotter with every 5 feet we descended, the lighting dimishing with every step. We had a couple flashlights with us, and there were a few small lights hung over the ladders taking us deeper, but still my eyes strained to see where my feet were going.
Our trek was about an hour and a half all in all - the hike up taking 30 minutes, the descent into the cave and the climb out taking about an hour altogether. Our guide told us that from the deepest part that we reached there was still another 2 hours to walk into the cave. There are 13 "rooms" in all, we made it to the first three, the first one being home to what seemed like hundreds of sleeping bats. In the room furthest from the entry point there is a small lake. Next time we go we decided we're going to do the whole thing and see if we can swim at the end.
It was seriously one of the most incredible things I have ever seen; definitely a hidden gem of Mae Sot. I know pictures and words could never do it justice, but here are a few anyway.
 |
| After all is said and done, I'm ready for round two! |
 |
| Just before climbing out, dripping with sweat... |
Vanguard Mae Sot team, this is what you have to look forward to. Be excited.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Bread & Words
"He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord." -Deutoronomy 8:3
So, I started a Bible study.
Now let me give you some context, some of which might be repeat information, but stick with me.
We run a Sunday School kids program Sunday mornings at a Burmese/Karen migrant school called Ray Kaw Htoo (ray-kah-two), which also happens to be the school I teach grade 2 & 3 English at on Monday mornings. This is not a coincidence, but rather strategic planning.
I had been thinking and praying about the format of our Sunday morning kids program, particularly in the area of sustainability and future leadership. The truth of the matter is that in 56 days I will be on a plane heading to China; in 6 months, the Hansons will be Canada-bound. The reality is that with the program being run as it is now, when we leave the program ends.
I'm usually not much of a children's ministry kind of person. Normally, I would think to myself, "Oh, ya, that's too bad," and there would no consequential thought following. But because God has recently been speaking to me about living with intention, living with vision, and living out the call that He has placed upon my life, I couldn't shake the sadness that washed over me when I thought of the Word of God not being preached in that place after we leave.
That's when Holy Spirit spoke to me. That's when the trickle-down-discipleship-model I have been repeatedly taught came to good use. There is already a leadership model in place within the school - headmaster, teachers (and in this case, the teachers do most of the overall leading), and students, the student body having it's own unspoken leadership roles in place as well. Why not use this leadership system to our advantage? Why not disciple the teachers, present them with Sunday School curriculum, and show them how they can disciple their students? It's actually the perfect set-up.
And, so, a couple of Mondays ago following my teaching time, I approached Nora Htoo, an 18 year old teacher I have become quite close with, about the idea of starting a Bible study. We had had a number of in depth conversations about faith, Bible college, and religion that I knew she was already a follower of The Way, and I knew she would be open to the idea. Two days later Courtney, Htwe Htwe (one of Imagine Thailand's Burmese staff who is still on the fence in her walk with Christ) and I made our way, Bibles in hand, to study the Gospel of Mark with Nora Htoo and T'Kaw Wah, a quiet 22 year old English teacher - turns out she knows Jesus too. Even as I write this I'm feeling as though this whole ordeal had already been orchestrated long before it came to my knowledge...?
Last night was our second meeting. I couldn't help but let my soul rejoice, joy and excitement overflowing from the depths of my heart as I sat with these two beautiful Karen women. One can read only Burmese, the other only Karen. As we begin discussing each section through Mark we each read the passage in a different language, first me in English, Nora Htoo follows in Burmese, and T'Kaw Wah after her in Karen. Seeing three different Bibles in three different languages laying open on the table in the tiny concrete box of a classroom last night, fluorescent lights flickering, mosquitoes eating at our feet, I saw and felt and knew God in such an overt and obvious way. He is opening their ears and minds and hearts to knowing Him deeper, and loving Him better.
They have been reading the Bible every day since our first meeting. They are both so hungry for His Word - this passion to know God is absolutely contagious that I find myself getting more and more excited each day to be in the Word.
I can tell that we are all thankful for one another. God is using each of us; God is growing each of us.
My relationship with this school, with Nora Htoo, T'Kaw Wah, the other teachers and the students has deepened so much in the last month. I know that leaving that place for the last time will feel like the tearing away of skin from skin.
But for now, I soak in every moment I have there. I let my soul sing out in praise for what He is doing in that place, and I pray for the continuation of these discipleship classes, whether formal or informal, long after our team has said our final goodbyes.
What to pray for...
Pray for depth to each of Nora Htoo's & T'Kaw Wah's (t'gah-wah) relationships with Christ.
Pray that out of their infilling of Holy Spirit they will begin to pour into their students spiritually.
Pray for sustainability in our programs by national leadership.
Pray for a church to be planted in this community.
So, I started a Bible study.
Now let me give you some context, some of which might be repeat information, but stick with me.
We run a Sunday School kids program Sunday mornings at a Burmese/Karen migrant school called Ray Kaw Htoo (ray-kah-two), which also happens to be the school I teach grade 2 & 3 English at on Monday mornings. This is not a coincidence, but rather strategic planning.
I had been thinking and praying about the format of our Sunday morning kids program, particularly in the area of sustainability and future leadership. The truth of the matter is that in 56 days I will be on a plane heading to China; in 6 months, the Hansons will be Canada-bound. The reality is that with the program being run as it is now, when we leave the program ends.
I'm usually not much of a children's ministry kind of person. Normally, I would think to myself, "Oh, ya, that's too bad," and there would no consequential thought following. But because God has recently been speaking to me about living with intention, living with vision, and living out the call that He has placed upon my life, I couldn't shake the sadness that washed over me when I thought of the Word of God not being preached in that place after we leave.
That's when Holy Spirit spoke to me. That's when the trickle-down-discipleship-model I have been repeatedly taught came to good use. There is already a leadership model in place within the school - headmaster, teachers (and in this case, the teachers do most of the overall leading), and students, the student body having it's own unspoken leadership roles in place as well. Why not use this leadership system to our advantage? Why not disciple the teachers, present them with Sunday School curriculum, and show them how they can disciple their students? It's actually the perfect set-up.
And, so, a couple of Mondays ago following my teaching time, I approached Nora Htoo, an 18 year old teacher I have become quite close with, about the idea of starting a Bible study. We had had a number of in depth conversations about faith, Bible college, and religion that I knew she was already a follower of The Way, and I knew she would be open to the idea. Two days later Courtney, Htwe Htwe (one of Imagine Thailand's Burmese staff who is still on the fence in her walk with Christ) and I made our way, Bibles in hand, to study the Gospel of Mark with Nora Htoo and T'Kaw Wah, a quiet 22 year old English teacher - turns out she knows Jesus too. Even as I write this I'm feeling as though this whole ordeal had already been orchestrated long before it came to my knowledge...?
Last night was our second meeting. I couldn't help but let my soul rejoice, joy and excitement overflowing from the depths of my heart as I sat with these two beautiful Karen women. One can read only Burmese, the other only Karen. As we begin discussing each section through Mark we each read the passage in a different language, first me in English, Nora Htoo follows in Burmese, and T'Kaw Wah after her in Karen. Seeing three different Bibles in three different languages laying open on the table in the tiny concrete box of a classroom last night, fluorescent lights flickering, mosquitoes eating at our feet, I saw and felt and knew God in such an overt and obvious way. He is opening their ears and minds and hearts to knowing Him deeper, and loving Him better.
They have been reading the Bible every day since our first meeting. They are both so hungry for His Word - this passion to know God is absolutely contagious that I find myself getting more and more excited each day to be in the Word.
I can tell that we are all thankful for one another. God is using each of us; God is growing each of us.
My relationship with this school, with Nora Htoo, T'Kaw Wah, the other teachers and the students has deepened so much in the last month. I know that leaving that place for the last time will feel like the tearing away of skin from skin.
But for now, I soak in every moment I have there. I let my soul sing out in praise for what He is doing in that place, and I pray for the continuation of these discipleship classes, whether formal or informal, long after our team has said our final goodbyes.
What to pray for...
Pray for depth to each of Nora Htoo's & T'Kaw Wah's (t'gah-wah) relationships with Christ.
Pray that out of their infilling of Holy Spirit they will begin to pour into their students spiritually.
Pray for sustainability in our programs by national leadership.
Pray for a church to be planted in this community.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
1/3
First things first... I made a video of a sort of dinner theatre we attended at a mirgrant school last weekend - but it failed. And so, you will just have to imagine homemade costumes of shiny fabrics, traditional Burmese music mixed with just the right amount of house beats, and the cutest Karen children dancing for hours while serving us roti and chicken and unripened mango. It was a great night - definitely a favourite in the last month, a close second being the day we went to this same school to treat lice and ringworm.Strange that I've been here a month already. I feel like I just stepped on the plane from Edmonton, anxiety and excitement boiling in the deepest parts of my heart. At the same time, I feel like I've been here much much longer... I have reached a point of a certain kind of contentment and comfortability as the bones of my life here in Mae Sot take on flesh. I feel that I have been given opportunity through Imagine Thailand to carve out a ministry for myself, within the already existing ministry. I feel like my life here is the only one I have. I feel like I belong here.
At times I feel like my life and ministry here are so eclectic, and maybe just a bit outside the lines, though I mostly enjoy this aspect of it.
There are hard days. There are moments I become a little more than curious about my life at home (sometimes bordering on worry). There are trials, and victories, and discouragements, and moments of hope scattered throughout. But in it all I am reminded that I am exactly where I am called to be. Even when I am crying through a disagreement with my Imagine Thailand family, even when I'm sick of teaching English, even when I am lonely and wishing for a good friend to be near... God is faithful, and constant, and so good that I could never doubt His presence in my life or the call He's given me to do "greater things."
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