you're just what I wanted

I don't remember meeting him, but I do remember the first time I saw him, and the first time I said anything to him... Though he would disagree on the latter account being the "first time."

We met in the fall, our first semester at this new school. I thought he was much older than he was, definitely older than me. He sat in the front row of the only class I had with him, but didn't say much, just listened. Almost every girl in attendance was trying to catch his eye, including a few of my close friends.

I didn't like him. Not only did I have no interest in any type of romance with him, I had no interest in any kind of friendship with him. We had so many mutual friends, but somehow I avoided contact and interaction for weeks. The first thing I remember speaking to him I told him I liked his snowboarding jacket. I've spent countless nights watching movies in a dark and crowded room in his apartment, and heard countless conversations between girls who were all certain that he was the one for them.

I remember inviting him to my church. I remember night after night of late night driving, singing every word to our favourite Jimmy Eat World albums, eating at Denny's at 3AM. I remember the first night we held hands, our first kiss, and our first break-up. I remember walks across the High Level bridge, smoking clove cigarettes, talking to and about God. I remember the first time I knew I loved him, and then fighting it for consecutive months that followed. I remember knowing that I wanted to marry him, and the disagreements, hurtful words, and break-ups that clouded that truth.

We've lived through lots together, almost two years of intimate friendship coloured with off again-on again dating. He knows me - my flaws, my strengths, my insecurities, and my confidence (which can sometimes be misconstrued with arrogance). He celebrates me - not what I can do, not what I have done, not what I can one day be, but the woman that I am. Right now. Today.

I love him more every day.

Last night, on bent knees, he invited me into his every day until there are no more.

I remember my heart pounding, my palms sweating, and my hands shaking. I remember the tears in his eyes, and the fading out of the background noise until it was only us as he slipped a ring on my left hand.

And I love him more today.